Why Naruto and Kiba should NOT be given to Coffee
by YonderB
Summary: WARNING: very... VERY... weird. do not flame me if you lose braincells. hints of NaruSasu, KibaShino and NaruGaa. ... i can't summarize this ff. it's too difficult. if you read it, you'll understand. some swearing.


In the crack-istic back-room of the Naruto series that Kishimoto never got around to mentioning, Naruto and Kiba sat on the puffy piles of beanbags, laughing and talking.

... In a very, very weird way.

"Respec! yo, mun!" grinned Kiba, sinking a little into the puffy beanbags of doom.

"What mah butt scratchin' Shino lickin' pal, yo is tryin' to say, is--" started Naruto with a smirk worthy of an Uchiha.

"Keep y'all comments to ya-_self_ got it, _mun_!" shouted Kiba, causing Naruto to topple backwards off his beanbags and bang his head against the wall with a rather hollow 'thud'.

Naruto grumbled, his legs waving in the air while he struggled to get up, unable to breathe, squished in between a huge mountain of beanbags, and a rather solid wall of... well... wall.

Finally, with a rather loud grunt, Naruto heaved himself back on top of his plush, pink, flower-printed beanbag, gasping for breath.

"Whatevah mun. I still says yo Shino lickin'." Naruto hissed after he had regained the recommended amount of oxygen into his system.

"Hellz yea." grinned Kiba with a bark of laughter. "And yo lick dat pretteh-boy-Sasuke!"

"In mah _dreams_, mun!" cackled Naruto, sounding like a hiccuping chipmunk.

"_RESPEC_!" the two shouted in unison, flinging their arms in the air and waving them about, cackling at the loudest and shrillest volume possible.

There was a creak of one of the doors in the crack-istic back-room, and Kakashi wandered in, looking as though he entered by accident.

"Why are you two talking like that?" asked Kakashi half-heartedly, not expecting a good answer.

"'CUZ WE'RE COOL, YO!" cheered Kiba, flinging his arms in the air once again, his ass nearly at the point of no return in puffy-beanbag-land.

"Yo try it, sensei-mun!" gasped Naruto, bounding up and grabbing Kakashi's arm.

"I don't think so." sighed the copy ninja, wondering vaguely if anyone had slipped these 'innocent' children something, and where they got it.

"Aww. C'mon, sensei-mun! _one word_, yo!" grinned Naruto, tugging Kakashi's arm and yanking the poor man from his thoughts.

Kiba grinned as he watched Naruto go up on tip-toe and whisper in Kakashi's ear.

"... I'm going to _regret_ this..." Kakashi said slowly.

After a moment of silence, they all shouted the same word;

"_RESPEC_!"

Two seconds later, for an unknown and illogical reason, Kakashi fell to the ground dramatically.

_Dead_.

"Yo, mun. Wtf, yo!" blinked Naruto, squatting down and poking Kakashi continuously, ignoring the white foam cascading from the poor sensei's mouth and the fact his eyes were as swirly as sakura's tongue around a sweet.

... Ooooohhhh... man, what _else_ could she be swirling her _tongue_ around...?

... _Ahem_...

"Thats some fucked up shit, yo!" cackled Kiba, his ass definitely past the point of no return in beanbag land, his legs wiggling in the air a little.

"_Fuck_ yeah!" Naruto agreed with a grin, standing up.

There was a creak from the door, and a certain psychotic psychopath with a certain look of a pissed-off raccoon-of-a-red-head entered, walking strait to the coffee machine.

"NICE ASS, MUN!" Naruto cheered, letting out a low wolf-whistle.

"Go fuck yourself you race-card playing cock munchers." Gaara snapped in his usual mono-tone, his back to them as he made himself a coffee.

"He got yo that time, mun!" cackled Kiba, waving packet of Naruto's race cards around in the air.

"_Daaaym_." Naruto said slowly with a demonic grin. "Yo got one bad mouth on y'all. Want _another_ one?"

"Either speak properly, or you're sleeping on the couch tonight." Gaara said simply, turning to face them, coffee in hand.

"...Thats rather below the belt, don't you think?" Naruto sulked, his ability to talk back to normal, a very delectable pout now on his face.

Gaara shrugged lightly. "I don't lose my bed warmers to any language."

"THATS SOME _SERIOUSLY_ _FUCKED UP SHIT_, YO!" Kiba screamed. "WTFH IS _WRONG_ WITH Y'ALL! _MUUUN_!"

Meanwhile, Kakashi's body had disappeared from 'reality', and squirrels had taken over the sound village, enslaving everyone and making Orochimaru their '_Nut_ Keeper'.

((... i am very sorry about this. you all have undoubtfully lost quite a few brain-cells. it just came to me. not my fault! i was watching 'shark tale'! it's all their fault! ... anyway... please, no flames. i know it's a ... _very_... weird ff... thing...))


End file.
